• Tom Pate

104: Military Leadership Principles that are Good for Your Relationship







Welcome to the Relationship Fitness Podcast! A big part of making a relationship great is learning how not to f*** it up. We all have to learn from our mistakes! I’m taking military leadership principles and applying them to relationship fitness. Join me to learn more!


Be a leader in your relationship

Being a leader doesn’t mean being the boss who is always in charge and makes all the rules. That kind of leadership won’t work in relationships. The best relationships have co-leaders, where each partner is a leader. In the military, leadership is all about getting people to do what needs to be done; in a relationship, each partner has to exert leadership in their role for things to go smoothly.


Great leaders build up and encourage others to be leaders

The most effective leadership is about creating a team of future leaders. If you want your team or partnership to work effectively, communication is the key. Each person has a way they like to communicate, and not every person responds well to authority and commands. In a relationship, you have to learn how to communicate in ways that your partner responds to and understands. You want your partner to be their own kind of leader in their role in the relationship.


There is no black and white when it comes to communication

I know what it’s like to have very different communication styles in marriage. My military background contributed to my communication style, and my partner didn’t respond to it or completely understand it. If you’re in this situation, you have to continue to learn and grow in order to relate to your partner and coexist in harmony. Understand that sometimes you are the leader, and sometimes you are the follower. A good relationship requires some give and take in many of those gray areas. Always remember that a leader can be the coach AND the cheerleader. Never stop being the biggest cheerleader for your spouse!



***Leave me your feedback. I’d love to know how you are applying good leadership and communication in your relationship. Share the podcast with someone else who can use some Relationship Fitness. Your relationship fitness matters! You are not just raising children, but someone’s future spouse and someone’s future parent. Go out there and be loving, kind, patient, and generous! Let’s help save the world--one relationship at a time!


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