84: The Relationship 7-year Itch . . . Time to Reassess

Welcome to the Relationship Fitness Podcast! Have you heard of the seven-year itch? It happens in most relationships, and it may not come at the seven-year mark. The kicker is that it’s totally normal for relationships to grow, change, and make transitions. Let’s take a closer look!

Reassess your needs

Science has shown that the “honeymoon phase” in relationships usually lasts from six months to two years. At that point, you come down “out of the clouds,” and obligations with jobs, kids, and bills can be overwhelming. The pressures of life impact the relationship, and you can lose perspective on what’s most important. That is when it’s time to reassess your needs, both in life and in your relationship. Relationships form in the first place to meet the mutual needs of both partners. When we feel more fulfilled and comfortable that those needs are met, a faux emptiness can set in as things seem to level off. When you feel that “itch,” whether six months or a couple of years into the relationship, It’s time to take a look, reassess, and identify the new needs that can bring back the spark!

Embrace the change and take action

Having new needs is not a bad thing! It’s a sign that growth is taking place. Try this exercise: sit down with your spouse and write down three new needs that each partner has. Discuss ways to meet those needs, in whatever area of life they may be--and yes, they can be sexual needs or needs in any other area of life. Think about instituting a yearly reassessment discussion to stay connected to each other.

Change happens

People grow and evolve, and relationships grow and evolve. Instead of viewing changing needs as a bad thing, look at them as signs of growth and development. Figure out where your relationship is headed now and how the transition should happen. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with your relationship if your “seven-year itch” comes much sooner than you expect. Reassessing is good because it allows you to connect and realign with your partner. Identify the new needs and march on in the path of your relationship!

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