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  • Tom Pate

EP 100: How to Know if You are Bringing out the Best in Your Partner

​​Welcome to this episode! We all want to bring out the best in our partners, but how do we know if that is truly happening? We have to ASK! The key is to ask the right questions that prompt the right conversations. Let’s take a closer look!

What to ask

Ask your partner, “In what ways do I help you be your best or do your best work?” They may need time to think before they answer, so don’t be offended if they don’t have a ready answer. Another twist on those questions is to ask how you help them be their best IN and ON your relationship together. Whether they have an answer or not, you at least have the stage set for open conversations about how you listen, support, and validate each other.

Put away your ego

When you ask these probing questions, you have to be prepared for what your partner might bring up. There may be some negative things about you if your partner is honest. Put your ego to the side and be willing to take an objective look at what you can do to listen more, support further, and genuinely validate your partner’s feelings. Ask clarifying questions to find out how you can do better. Study your partner to notice the things he/she adds to your life. Compliment them on what you see them doing well and how they work to preserve and strengthen your relationship. It will be a work in progress to figure out together how you can bring out the best in each other.

Know what NOT to do

Sometimes the key to improving your relationship fitness is something you STOP doing. Casey and Meygan Caston are the founders of Marriage365; you can find them on Instagram. Their book, 365 Connecting Questions for Couples, has one question for couples to answer together each day throughout the year. Find a link to their book under Tools & Resources at Relationship Fitness Podcast. One of their questions is, “Have I ever done anything to make you feel that you can’t share your thoughts, struggles, and ideas with me?” Ask this question and show your vulnerability to find out what you have done to make your spouse feel this way. To put it bluntly, one way to bring out the best in your spouse is to STOP DOING STUPID STUFF! Don’t do the things that make them feel that they can’t share and be open with you. The way to bridge that gap is communication, communication, communication. Relationship fitness is always a learning process, so keep on learning about each other.

***Leave me your feedback. Let me know how you are asking the important questions and communicating to bring out the best in your partner. Your relationship fitness matters! You are not just raising children, but someone’s future spouse and someone’s future parent. Go out there and be loving, kind, patient, and generous! Let’s help save the world--one relationship at a time!

Mentioned in this episode: 365 Connecting Questions for Couples by Casey and Meygan Caston.

Find Marriage365 on Instagram.

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