EP 59 - The Relationship Fitness Equation?
In today’s episode, I talk about an equation I came up with that determines how successful 😍 or unsuccessful 😝 a relationship is and, how long it will last and what kind of legacy it leaves.
I came up with this little gem, (W x RS) / D = RL, driving to the office one day while in some deep contemplation. You can see details about the Relationship Fitness equation below in the full transcript.
The way to look at this equation is the more effort you put into each variable on the top and the more you work to eliminate or better deal with the D, the better and stronger the outcome. The less you put into W and D or unable to properly deal with D, the weaker the outcome.
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“What?... The Relationship Fitness Equation? What are you talking about? We're relegating relationships to math and equations now...?” Ha-ha! Well, kinda. I was reviewing some of these videos that I shot while driving and some stuff that kind of archival, right. That I thought, yeah, that can really apply, you know, this good kind of thing. But I came upon a video that I did.
while I was driving and just kind of practice in the videos and that kind of stuff about the Relationship Equation. And there's more to it. I need to find the other video because I kind of forgot what the hell was going on there. But the equation gets to, work times relationship skillsets equals, oh, there's an equals here, it equals relationship longevity/legacy. But what you got working against you, is the drama, the stresses in life. The mathematicians out there can tell me if this even works out mathematically, I don't know. It's been 30 plus years since I did trigonometry. So, bear with me here. It's the concepts here not the mathematical piece of it.
The Relationship Fitness Equation:
(W x RS) / D = RL
W = Work
RS = Relationship Skills
D = Drama, complacency, other life stressors
RL = Relationship Longevity/Legacy
So, you know, the work that you put in, right? And the relationships skill sets, you're developing determine to a large extent, and there's always variables, right? There's always variables you can throw in there that, that equation, they can just totally screw the whole thing up. I never liked to paint a broad brush when it comes to humanity, um, classes, or, you know what I mean? Our government wants to try and do that, right? Paint, broad brushes. Like this group that, this group that, we need to treat this group this way, and that group that way, it's just such bullshit. Just treat people like human beings.
The challenge there is, this is a different video subject but..., our definition of what a human being is, is not always a good one. And we fail to see that our definition of human being, what we think we should be living life like; it's not what everybody else thinks. Anyway. So, but the challenge right, is the drama, the challenges, the stresses, the challenges, all these things that come into your world, whether you are inviting them or allowing them. What are some examples?
So you're married, things are great. “The honeymoon, oh my God it was so perfect!” But then kids come along and you know, this challenged me when the boy's, mom and I had our first son, I was this..., I like to think I was this happy go, lucky guy and just not a care in the world, you know, we're partying, we were having fun, but she became pregnant. Life got serious. And I got serious and this, you know, kind of flippant kind of sarcastic guy who just, you know, lived in the moment, disappeared on her. And I got very serious. I got very like I've got to make sure that this kid's life is going to be great. And you know, we're gonna make sure we provide just like very serious. And that was a big turnoff for her, but that's just kind of an example. Right? So what you really gotta be careful of, you gotta be careful of making sure you're putting in the work.
Don't get complacent. You can never get complacent. The moment you start getting complacent and there's different time periods that, that happens the first time you have sex, especially if it's early, you know, you get engaged, you get married. There are different levels, different milestones, if you will, when in a relationship where you start feeling more and more secure, you start feeling more and more comfortable like, okay, I can relax. They are not going to leave me because now we're engaged. They're not going to leave me. They're not going to stray away because now we're married. They're for sure not going to leave me now because we have a house and a mortgage so I can relax. I don't have to work as hard, but that is the very slippery, I mean, very slippery slope to relationship hell! Because when you start decreasing the work, right, you start decreasing the relationship legacy and longevity.
I mean, you can just throw all kinds of names at this stuff, write it down, put it in your equation, put it in your journal. What work are you doing? What relationship skillsets are you building? Are you continuing to explore? Are you continuing to learn and strengthen? You got to keep doing it because just like I did, um, the podcast about the relationship the skills of relationship equity, they're never in your favor because this is always working against you. The drama in life, the stresses in life is always working against you. And there's so many different variables you can plug into this bottom piece. You know, you may have a mother-in-law that you're just not good enough for my son, or that kind of thing is out there and actually happens. And there are actually statistics out there that mothers-in-law are one of the leading causes of relationships breaking up because of the meddling, because of the bullshit that they bring and in-laws, and anyway, you know what I'm saying, if you've been there, you know what I'm saying?
So, and having said that, it's kind of weird. I know, but the boy's mom, even though we're not together, you know, um, she put together a dinner at Bucca di Beppo's with her dad, her brother, and all the kids involved and me, and, you know, it was about the kids about setting an example for the kids that, you know, what we can be divorced. We can not be together and still get along and have a father's day celebration and laugh. And you know, even if I was, you know, engaged, dating, married, I would have been there. Right?
Because it's all about the kids and setting the relationship legacy that, you know what, mom and dad are not together, but we could still be, you know, engaging with each other and fostering an overall great family environment. Weird...I know against the norms of society - You gotta be f'ing enemies. You can never associate together, but that really f's up your kids. Okay?
So the more you can embrace the fact that you're still, co-parents. The more, you can embrace the fact that they still love each of you, unless you've twisted that shit to where they hate one of you. But my goal with my boys is to make sure that they know that we both love them. And that I respect her because she is their mother and she did go nine months. And I think with the younger one a little longer, uh, so you oh here a little more, :) but the whole thing here is, getting back to the equation. There's always going to be drama.
There's not always going to be work. There's not always going to be work because we get complacent, we get comfortable. So you have to never, ever, ever get comfortable in your relationship. You always have to understand that you have to do the work. You have to work on your relationship skills. So you can attain relationship longevity and leave a great relationship legacy for your kids and your grandkids and great-grandkids.
Because I'm telling you, you can look it up. There are stats, there are studies, it's scientific that kids pick up relationship skills from their environment and perpetuate that. And you can see that. Divorced families have divorced families have divorced families, dysfunctional families have dysfunctional families, have dysfunctional families. It's just the way it is. Change that shit around. Do something to change then be the, be the breaking point in your family to change direction.
That's all I got tonight. Hope that serves you guys hope that kind of rattles your brain. Like, “Holy crap! I need to change some stuff!” or “You know, we're doing okay but man, you know, I can see that we could turn out to be like our parents. And that wasn't pretty when I was a kid. So I don't want my kids to go through that shit.” Right? So there we go. I just acknowledged in my mind the fact that I keep saying “right”, but it's just haaa, you know, whatever!
So go out there, be loving kind patient, and generous and build relationship fitness because it is so important to not only your own family and building that relationship and setting that relationship legacy in your own relationship, but in your kids and grandkids. But it also affects those around you. It also affects the people you encounter, how they see you treat each other, whether it's your nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, mom, and dad.
I mean your relationship with a great relationship legacy, a great relationship fitness can impact the world. The butterfly effect. That's just the way it is. People will learn from your great examples. So please do what it takes to have a great relationship, do what it takes to continually build, and not be lazy. Don't get complacent, be loving kind, patient generous, and build that relationship fitness.