• Tom

EP 65 - 3 surprising tips to help level up your relationship

Updated: 5 days ago




EP 65 - 3 surprising tips to help level up your relationship

I’ve got 3 surprising tips to help level up your relationship today that you may not have thought about before or if you have heard them…

Maybe it wasn’t in this exact way and it’s definitely worth checking out. 😀


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Remember, it only takes one conversation to level up your relationship!

Your Relationship Warrior coach, 💪😎

Tom

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Transcripts Below 👇👇👇

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Raw Transcript

(00:01):

So the big question is how do guys like us weren't born relationship experts and who didn't grow up with great relationship examples around us. Figure out how to toot the passion, the chemistry, the intimacy, and the connection and the romance at a high level in our relationship and keep it thriving. That is the question. And this podcast will give you the answers to help you take your relationship from just okay to stop. My name is Tom pate and welcome to the relationship fins podcast.

(00:36):

Yeah, so we got three tips for you tonight. And the first one is to, it's doing a list and I want you to do this on paper, pen and paper or pencil and paper. Why on paper? Why pencil or pen? Because writing it out means more. It means more to you when you're writing it out. It's more personal when you're writing it out and it's more personal when they receive it. So what I want you to do is write down 10 things that you love about your spouse, your partner, your life, mate, 10 things that you love about them. If you can't come up with 10 right away, you don't, maybe you don't have time to do five hell even two or three would be great, but write down 10 things that you love just admire a door, um, admire about them. Say that again and, and write down why you admire them or love them for that.

(01:35):

And put that in a place that, you know, they're going to find that sometime during the day, and you know, it'll just do that every once in a while and, and change it up. It maybe it's once a month, change it up. You know, this may be the same day every month. And now, you know, maybe after a few months, we're thinking, Ooh, today's the 15th. That's normally when he, or she puts that little note somewhere where I'm going to find it right. And maybe it's hard to come up with 10 different things every single month. So do five, but write them down and just watch how that improves the relationship. Because it shows appreciation it shows, acknowledgement and go, you know, it just helps build that. Oh, excuse me. We had a good dinner tonight. Um, uh, we went to islands burgers and stuff anyway, had a good day watching a movie with the son, his girlfriend, so good, good time out there.

(02:30):

And um, so yeah, just put that in an inconspicuous, maybe it can speak to you as place where they're going to find that, you know, watch how that will build connection between the two of you. And next we've got get over the need to be right all the time. And it also couples with another thing that I read today about, you know, if you guys are at odds with each other and say that you, 90% of what you're at odds about is something they did or didn't do, or a choice they made or didn't make that is led to this argument between the two of you, but say you maybe 10% of it, maybe 20% of it, and maybe even 5% of it is your doing or not doing be the bigger person and go and say, I'm sorry. You know, I apologize. I, this is I, I own my part in this whole thing.

(03:30):

I didn't do that. I didn't do it. I should have done it. Could've done it. I put it off, blew it off. And this is a result of me not doing my part. So I apologize. What does that do that opens the door depending on the type of person you're talking to and the status of your related to stage of your relationship. But if you're both truly wanting to work on your relationship and still at that point where you're in love and you know that it can, you can get back to higher levels. Sure. It's going to open the door of vulnerability for them to say, you know what I mean, too? I totally screwed this all up. That's not the point of like, yeah, you did no, no. Put your ego edge, got out ego outside the door, right. And just be humble. You'll get more hugs and kisses by being humble than you will be by Mr. Smarty pants, miss radio all the time. Right? Let go of your need to be right all the time.

(04:29):

Hey guys, just a quick break in the action here to remind you to head out to 10 X, your relationship.com to get my free ebook, how to 10 X your relationship in one conversation. And you'll learn about the four questions you need to master to gain insight, build connection, and reignite intimacy into your relationship. Also, if you're listening to this anywhere else, besides my podcast, website, relationship fitness podcast.com, please head out there. I've got other tools and resources that you guys can check out there as well as some relationship fitness swag, thanks. And back to the exit,

(05:13):

Know what your needs are and ask for them. How do you do that? Well, maybe it might take some self-discovery of what your needs are, whether it's in bed, whether it's in communication, whether it's in financial security or financial responsibility or helping around the house or just communication, or just acknowledgement and acceptance. And this gets into understanding not only what figuring out what their love language is, but you need to figure out what your love language is are, and what your anti love language is, so that you can communicate to them, those things to your partner, to your spouse. They're not mind readers. They're not going to understand. I mean, women are definitely a lot better at being intuitive for the most part, uh, than men. For the most part, there's always kind of that gray in between, but we're not born understanding how to have a great relationship, how to be a great communicator, how to be intuitive and just know these things about relationships.

(06:16):

It's a fricking, it's a, uh, it's scattered hunt in a way, right? I mean, you're figuring out as you go along. It's like a great mystery. So have some compassion, understanding and patience with each other, knowing that you're trying to figure this out, but be diligent and purposeful intent on figuring yourself out so that you can help your partner, your spouse, your life, mate, life partner, and understanding how to figure you out. Not from a point of, if I do that, then, then I have know how to manipulate me better. Well then you're with the wrong person. Anyway, if you're with a manipulative bastard, you know, a narcissist you're with the wrong person, but if you with the right person, they're going to appreciate you, helping to helping them to understand how to communicate to you better, how to love you better. And you return the favor by asking, Hey, how can I love you better?

(07:15):

How can I be a better spouse? How can I be a better partner to you today? And going forward, what can I do better? Right? You got to say it, you can't, you can't leave things left on said, because when you, when you hide, when you hide and be a chicken and hide behind her feelings or the thought in your head, well, they hurt my feelings with this one time. So I'm not, I'm not going there again. Can't take that. You gotta be courageous. You gotta be brave. You gotta break out of that shell and communicate and reach out, keep reaching out. Sure. It may, you know, the door may get slammed in your face a couple of times, but keep reaching out. And when they see the true wish to be connected together and the true vulnerability coming from you, then, I mean that vulnerable love breaks down.

(08:08):

So many barriers that people put around their heart and only, I would say only the most wicked. And I mean, I have a trouble with that, but the most hard hearted resigned people will resist more so than others that vulnerable love. And if you can pick in fact, Erin and, and act on vulnerable, uh, how can I be vulnerable here? How can I be vulnerable love, unconditional love to this person that I love. You're gonna, you're gonna build that gap or not build that gap, bridge that gap. And you're going to bring them into the fold of, Hey, let's be in love together. So if you know anybody that can be served by these, and even if you know, we're doing several tips and most of, and you may get something out, all of that, or maybe none for a few days, and then just maybe one tip may like, wow, yeah, I'm going to add that into my repertoire of relationship skills and practice that and develop that into a skill, a habit that's going to benefit my relationship.

(09:14):

Just even just one thing. If you can grab that or somebody else that you know, can benefit from one little thing that can turn that relationship around or ignite that little spark and get that little coal going, that's all it takes. It just takes a little spark to build a roaring fire. And that's what these series is all about. Just building relationship fitness, igniting that spark so that we can build and create and leave a great relationship legacy so that our kids can have a better chance to have better relationships. And we can improve the world. I mean, it's going to happen. It's going to happen. And the only way it's going to happen is if we continue to do a great relationships and spread that legacy and influence people around us, not only our own family, but influence other people around us about, Hey, there's a better way to have a relationship.

(10:02):

Hey guys, would you like to get more relationship? Goodness secrets you can use to help you continue leveling up your relationship. If so, head out to Amazon and get my first book seven secrets. That's the number seven, seven secrets to an extraordinary relationship. Your parents couldn't teach it. It's an awesome book. It's helping lots of people. Fan I donate 100% of the profits to charity and get my new free ebook. Have 10 X, your relationship.com in these books, you'll find many of the best tips and secrets I found to help me reconnect, regained the intimacy and keeping it high level. Also head out to join my relationship fitness, Facebook, I'm always out there doing live videos and then posting tips I find for you to use. Don't wait till your relationship is crappy to figure out how to save it or make it better. Start building your treasure chest of skillsets. Now, before it's too late. And remember you're only one conversation away from leveling up your relationship and making it unstoppable.