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  • christyhaussler

EP 86: How The Matrix and Relationship Fitness are Related

Updated: Dec 12, 2021

Welcome to the Relationship Fitness Podcast! I heard something recently that made me realize how The Matrix and relationship fitness are related. It has to do with the irony of how someone can “push our buttons,” which can only happen if we’ve already established the buttons. What buttons have you created? Join me for a closer look!

It all comes down to our choices.

There aren’t really any “buttons.” They don’t exist. When we say someone is “pushing our buttons,” we focus on scenarios that give us excuses to react dramatically to what someone else says or does. There are no stresses or pressure points except what we have created in our heads. We decide--we CHOOSE--to be irritated, frustrated, triggered, and stressed by this or that. We have determined what that breaking point is for our temper to flare.

We are “meaning-making” machines.

We make meaning out of everything. When someone does x, we have determined that it means y. When our partner doesn’t act like we would wish, we assign meaning to it in that they don’t respect, love, or trust me. The other person may not tie that same meaning at all to their actions, and they probably don’t intend to send the message that we receive. It doesn’t matter because we assume that we know precisely in which way they meant to offend us--all because we’ve assigned a specific meaning to it.

Investigate your buttons.

Take a closer look at why certain things are sensitive subjects that bring frustration and irritation. Most of those sensitive spots stem from events in our childhood. How we perceive our partner’s words, actions, and intentions come from what we allow ourselves to “buy into.” What we observed in relationships or the pain we experienced in childhood causes us to feel a certain way. This leads us to compare ourselves, deciding who is “better,” as we judge the other person’s actions. All of this highlights the need for clear verbal communication with your spouse. Those pressure points, sensitive spots, and buttons need to get out of your head and into a conversation!

Until next time,

Tom Pate


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Not sure where to start your Relationship Fitness journey?

  1. Begin with my FREE eBook: How To 10X Your Relationship In ONE Conversation

  2. Get my bestselling paperback book "7 Secrets To An Extraordinary Relationship Your Parent Couldn't Teach You" here.

***Leave me your feedback. Let me know how you are strengthening your relationship by eliminating the pressure points that cause your temper to flare. Watch out for the meaning you assign to your partner’s actions, and take the time to have clear communication. Improving your relationship fitness and solidifying your relationship legacy WILL make a difference. You are not just raising children, but someone’s future spouse and someone’s future parent. Go out there and be loving, kind, patient, and generous! Let’s help save the world--one relationship at a time!

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