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  • Tom Pate

EP 97: Goodwill Dating and Don't Fight Hangry

Welcome! Have you ever fought with your spouse when you were hangry? Let’s face it- some people can get pretty grouchy when they need something to eat. So if you have something important to discuss and you feel irritable, it is best to wait until you get some food in your system before you dive into the conversation.

After a hard day at work

When you get home after a hard day at work, and your spouse immediately starts unloading their day on you it can be hard to avoid overreacting. It would be better to spend the first ten to twenty minutes after you walk in chilling out, connecting, and only talking about the good stuff. That will give you the chance to breathe and unwind before discussing anything important. I sometimes do the Tarzan yodel while driving home. It makes me feel much better and helps relieve the stress, pressure, and frustration I am feeling. You can do a couple of Tarzan yodels while driving home or park down the street and do it to decompress before you get home. You could even consider going to the gym on the way home. Whatever you do, make sure that you don’t fight or discuss difficult and important topics when you are hangry, frustrated, or in an agitated state.

It is all about the outcome you want

Try to reach a point in your relationship where you can be vulnerable and still feel connected. Be cool if your partner or spouse needs some time out after a terrible day. If you also had a tough day, giggle and understand that you are both on edge. You can talk later after you have collected yourselves. Give yourself time to think about OWA before you talk: What is the outcome you are seeking? What is the why you want to talk about it? What action will you take to get the outcome you want? It is all about the outcome you want. Don’t approach things with an attacking mode your desired outcome is to vent. Just talk about it and express how you feel.

Go in with the long term in mind

Go into a relationship with a long-term mindset. If you do, it will foster compassion, patience, and understanding. We all mess up at times. So those qualities will allow for some failure in your relationship and give you room to breathe. A long-term mindset and the desire to do what it takes to make your relationship last longer will release you from making excuses to bail out or thinking that you will leave if your partner hurts you or screws up.

***Leave me your feedback. Let me know how you are learning to put aside how you feel, use the 5-second rule, and take action on the things that improve your relationship fitness. You are not just raising children, but someone’s future spouse and someone’s future parent. Go out there and be loving, kind, patient, and generous! Let’s help save the world--one relationship at a time!

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